An Open Letter To “Self-Worth”

Dear: Self-Worth

You don’t know me, because when I was born I didn’t know myself. I grew into this person whom everyone gave a description of, but none of the descriptions matched me. I tried to fit into who I thought you wanted me to be until I flipped through the magazines and didn’t see anyone who represented me. I was either too tall or to short, my hair was either too curly or to straight, my lips were either too big or to small, my complexion was either to light or to dark, and my size was nothing in-between so I hid my curves from you, I bleached my skin, I straighten my nose, I wore heels all the time, I chemically treated  my hair, I forced you to like me, even though I didn’t like myself.

I changed who I was to become what I saw, I became a bully to myself chanting words to encourage me that I was not good enough to be seen, NO you’re not pretty enough! NO you’re not skinny enough!  I insisted on watching the ads on television inviting me to change what I hated most about myself, which was everything, so my vision board became a body board. I would pick out everything I wanted to change about myself and replace it with body parts that didn’t belong to me, skinnier thighs, smaller waist, smoother skin, and longer hair.

I didn’t care what I had to do to accomplish it, if I could look like half of the models and celebrities on Television and the Magazine then my work was done, until one day while I was vigorously searching for more things to change about me, I came across the word “SELF-WORTH” and the definition followed “ TO BE WORTHY OF ONE’S SELF”, and I  thought to myself, when have I ever been worthy and why haven’t I been worthy of all my accomplishments. And that’s when  I knew my worth was nonexistent, because everything that god gave to me was all reliant upon the things I wanted to change about myself and what I know now is if I am worthy of God’s love then I am worthy of all love, and instead of trying to fix the outside of me, I really needed to  start fixing the inside of me first.

No more would I accept or tolerate self-hate, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, because I am aware now that who I am is not determined by what someone else deems as beautiful, but how beautiful I am to myself, so I say to self-worth today thank-you! For allowing me not to change who I am, but to change how I think.

“To all the young Girls, Ladies and all Women in general please look inside you before looking outside yourself, because beauty is truly deep inside each one of our roots. We just have to branch out to see it”.

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I am a woman Because…

I am a Woman Because…

Who are you to tell me because I am a women I don’t have any rights. NO! You will not educate me on my sexual duties because you believe that’s all I’m worth.  NO! I will not be your child bride, left to become impregnated and abandoned, while you continue to bring underage girls into these small cramped quarters you call a home. NO! You will not enslave me and subject me to your verbal and physical abuse.  NO! You will not damage, degrade and destroy my body for money and drugs while brain washing me into thinking that I am your property.

NO! I will not conceal my identity from head to toe because of your religious beliefs, but because I have chosen to believe in my own rights of religion. NO! You will not strip me of my rights to be a child, a young girl and eventually a woman. NO! I will not be treated as community property, bargained, brought, and traded.

My womanhood gives me the choice to bring forth life; it should not be demanded upon me. I WILL petition to have a higher education, to be a boss, to become a successful entrepreneur and to empower all women, because I am flesh, blood and bone. I am created worthy enough to receive equal pay, run for president, and be a leader in my own rights. I am beautiful, I am strong, I am intelligent and I will not settle for less. I will dictate my own worth on a scale that measures me at a higher potential than you place me on.

I will not accept machismo behaviors nor will I tolerate femicide. You will hear the words NO as a request to STOP and not validate it to your own ears as an inferior outburst to continue. You will not label me a BITCH because I have a voice, and if one day I am left to become a single mother I WILL take care of my responsibilities while you cowardly run out the back door. I am a woman because I was born this way, and you can either stand with me or get out of my way.

Dedicated to all my Girls, Young ladies and Women who face social injustice every day.

#Self-Worth Monique Antoinette

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EMPOWERING WOMEN

Empowering Women

Today’s women has come out of the shadows of a man, she has built her own dynasty on which she firmly stands, she has created her rights to her own passage and doesn’t need a man to validate her means or existence to this world. She is Intelligent, Strong; Courageous and she can go from the board room to the home and have dinner prepared on time. But even with all these Superwoman attributes, the one thing that will always bring her Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem down within herself is a Dishonest, Disloyal, Cheating man. One who destroys and breaks the vows of the relationship, one who engages in the inappropriate behaviors with other women.

We’ve all seen it play out in real life, whether in your own relationship, friends or family, but who are we really empowering? When a man cheats on his wife or girlfriend most women are incline to attack the other woman, while the man gets a free pass. So when I ask the question “who are we really empowering”? That’s because, it sometimes feels as if we are empowering and encouraging a man to be unfaithful without holding him accountable for his actions. Then we allow our Self-Integrity to be stripped by asking the man to make his choice between the other woman and ourselves.

This is what I know to be true about a man who wants to cheat. He will cheat without any regards to jeopardizing his own family, he will take risks to lie about his current status in his relationship and the stories he will tell will make the other woman he is pursuing comfortable enough to let her guard down and forget that he has a wife and kids and dive heart first into this relationship.

Who’s the main chick, from the side chick, and why do we openly accept these labels, and assume the role of these titles? When a woman lacks self-worth she can lose herself in these labels with a pattern of always choosing herself last, and never first. You’re programed to believe that you deserve to be treated in a manner that devalues who you are as a person and it hides the fact that you matter.

Empowering women is not a thing it’s a statement it’s a force, it’s a belief, it’s about empowering ALL women teaching them that they can be and do anything they put their minds and their hearts into, and they don’t need to tear each other down to get to it. There validation comes from who they are, and not who they are with.

#Self-worth Monique Antoinette

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Colors of Children

COLORS OF CHILDREN

When we allow children to grow into their own rights, we allow them to observe the world with a clean slate, with no judgement, being children with childlike abilities to play, laugh and dream, in a colorful world.  But when we poison a child’s mind we attach Labels, Stigmas, and Stereotypes to them. We encourage them to be raised by an already tarnished society with an adopted environment of bad behavior, setting them up to devalue a person based on their Race, Culture and Diversity. Children make their way into the world with an open heart, which is open to love, share, give, and care and many times we as adults strip them of their openness, because we are closed minded.  We hold on to things that later on affect the growth and development of our children and because of our negative experiences we transfer our dislike of the world onto them. Each moment in our lives is a teachable and learnable one, and it is up to us to separate our prejudices from our humanity.

I have shared an Excerpt from my Self-Help book titled “Self-Worth”

“COLORS OF SELF-WORTH”

“There are two words that are similar in meaning which are Learn and Teach. When you teach you pass the knowledge on, when you learn you gain the knowledge that was taught. We have a responsibility to teach our children how to respect people who are different. We have to teach them how to be of assistance and to know that human kindness is not a name but an act. We have to teach them how to give back to their community, live in it and feel safe. When adults teach hate, children learn hate, and when adults teach love, children learn love, so what are you teaching your children? “

#Self-Worth Monique Antoinette

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Buying Beauty

BUYING BEAUTY

Confidence and Self-Esteem is now being sold in stores around the country, it is no longer being kept a secret, forbidden from us “normal people” to enjoy. Once you take it, it’s guaranteed to boost your self-worth and the only side effect on the label reads “This will expose you to what true beauty looks like and feels like”. Confidence and Self-Esteem will change your idea of what society views beauty as, you will be able to see through photo shopped and air- brushed images that have distorted your beliefs for all these years.

Taking Confidence and Self-Esteem twice a day will enhance how you view your body, your heart and your mind. You will be able to interpret the world not in a size zero but in all sizes, you will be able to identify with people of all cultures and all races, knowing that beauty is not what is sold to make you lose weight, gain weight or cover up your natural beauty. It will allow you to go make-up free, embrace your stretch marks and be proud to jiggle what “YO MOMMA” gave you.

Taking Confidence and Self-Esteem will allow you to love yourself and not look for acceptance from the outside world, but gain awareness of what your beauty is on the inside, it eliminates false perceptions of  not being skinny enough, not being light enough, and not being pretty enough. You will no longer have to chase beauty in a watered down substance with fake contents added to make you believe that if you use it, you will look like a celebrity.

The best thing about Confidence and Self-Esteem is it won’t break your pockets or put you in debt, because it cost nothing and it comes absolutely free! The only thing you have to do is believe in yourself, for who you are and what makes you happy. Buying beauty sometimes comes at a price and it can be a temporary fix, but if you stock yourself full of Self-worth, Confidence and Self-Esteem it will stay with you forever, with no risks of returns.

#Self-Worth Monique Antoinette

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WHOSE BLACKNESS?

WHOSE BLACKNESS?

Did you see her braids? Yes, we birth that! It was created then passed on from our ancestors, but what was too black for us became a white appropriation for them. You said “go back to Africa with those braids!” well that’s until “Bo Derek” made it a fashion statement in her movie “10”. Then it wasn’t a “Black Thing” it was an “I want Those Braids Thing”. What once was unacceptable for us, has become the trending topic for everyone. Thank you! “Kim Kardashian” for rocking those braids, because when I wore them they were ethnic, but when you wear them it’s just cool, so “WHOSE BLACKNESS” is this anyway?

Let me take the time out to thank this world we claim is not White, not Black, but Grey for putting my “Blackness” back on the map, because somehow by the images I thumb through on social media we were lost and now we are relevant again. You have criticized me for the size of my LIPS the size of my ASS the color of my SKIN and the texture of my HAIR, but I checked the store for that lip kit and it was sold out, you know the one that increases the size of your lip, and I made an appointment to have all the fat sucked out of any place possible on my body, to have it inserted into my invisible butt, but there is a lengthy waiting list at Dr. Plastic’s office, and let me not forget those tanning lotions, sprays and booths, so “WHOSE BLACKNESS” is this anyway?.

You said you gave the black culture life, but we were here before you started your mission of taking what we have and turning it into yours and it is not called bringing anything to life, because what we have done  was raised your self-esteem from the dead. But what is the true argument here, because Black Women, White Women, all Women of all different races are aspiring to be something they’re not, so we PERM, STRAIGHTEN, COLOR, ENLARGE, REDUCE, and ADD. So if we are questioning “WHOSE BLACKNESS” is this anyway? Then the real answer is it’s any ones.

STOP acting black, how many times have you heard that statement, but if only that statement made any sense, since black is a color and not a performance. Why aren’t we free to mimic styles and recreate fashions, the ability to take from what we see, what we like, and what makes us happy. We should be flattered that all races want to recapture us, but don’t get it twisted be free to express, but allow the power of expression to get the real credit of where it came from.

#Self-Worth Monique Antoinette

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“EMBRACING IMPERFECTION”

“EMBRACING IMPERFECTION”

In this perfect world of contouring, maximizing and minimizing our body image, everyone seems to be racing towards the finish line of perfection, but what is perfection? And why does everyone want so badly to achieve it. For many of us, beauty is what we can physically see on the outside, but if we sought out the true meaning of beauty we can find that it lives in the cavity of our soul, and it exist in the depths of how we treat people, without holding prejudgment to who they are and where they originated from.

The effects of what beauty looks like can cause an illuminating reaction or an invisible displacement, leaving young ladies and young men to question if they are GOOD ENOUGH. I recently took a trip to Atlanta and while touring one of their many attractions, a young lady was there, and I couldn’t help but awkwardly stare at her, she had visible scars that covered about ninety percent of her body and while I felt uncomfortable looking, she was comfortable and confident showing them.

This young lady was dressed not to cover up her scars but to expose them and I thought what a brave, unique, young person she is. In my own moment of reflection I wondered if I would have had that courage, she was an example of what “SELF-WORTH” is. She didn’t allow her scars or people to dictate how she needed to be seen and that to me is EMBRACING IMPERFECTION.

I have left you with and Excerpt from my Self-Help book titled “Self-Worth” below.

“Whenever you feel that you are worth it, that’s when confidence kicks in. it’s an inner feeling that comes from within and it is not based on how you look in the mirror, but what the image of the mirror reflects back onto you.  If your inside doesn’t match your outside, all the makeup, clothes and hair won’t make a difference. A built up of confidence allows you to step into any skin, any body image and any character flaws you may think you have. It’s the ability to rely on what makes you stronger, and what pushes you to be limitless, while setting you up to enter into life’s positive outcome”.

#Self-Worth Monique Antoinette

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“LOVE QUOTES”

“LOVE QUOTES”

Searching for a good quote? In a web full of quotes we rummage through them all looking for the best ones to tell how we feel at that present moment and while we LIKE them, POST them, and SHARE them how rarely do we APPLY them to our own daily lives. Love quotes seem to be our most favorite ones, because they sum up our emotions, what we desire and what we want to express, so we hide behind the shadows while our quotes do all of our talking for us. Antique quotes, Modern quotes, somehow we still gravitate to love quotes, the best ones handpicked just like our classic movies they are timeless and kept bottled up, then released once needed.

#Self-Worth Monique Antoinette

Inspired by Leslie N.

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