You don’t know me, because when I was born I didn’t know myself. I grew into this person whom everyone gave a description of, but none of the descriptions matched me. I tried to fit into who I thought you wanted me to be until I flipped through the magazines and didn’t see anyone who represented me. I was either too tall or to short, my hair was either too curly or to straight, my lips were either too big or to small, my complexion was either to light or to dark, and my size was nothing in-between so I hid my curves from you, I bleached my skin, I straighten my nose, I wore heels all the time, I chemically treated my hair, I forced you to like me, even though I didn’t like myself.
I changed who I was to become what I saw, I became a bully to myself chanting words to encourage me that I was not good enough to be seen, NO you’re not pretty enough! NO you’re not skinny enough! I insisted on watching the ads on television inviting me to change what I hated most about myself, which was everything, so my vision board became a body board. I would pick out everything I wanted to change about myself and replace it with body parts that didn’t belong to me, skinnier thighs, smaller waist, smoother skin, and longer hair.
I didn’t care what I had to do to accomplish it, if I could look like half of the models and celebrities on Television and the Magazine then my work was done, until one day while I was vigorously searching for more things to change about me, I came across the word “SELF-WORTH” and the definition followed “ TO BE WORTHY OF ONE’S SELF”, and I thought to myself, when have I ever been worthy and why haven’t I been worthy of all my accomplishments. And that’s when I knew my worth was nonexistent, because everything that god gave to me was all reliant upon the things I wanted to change about myself and what I know now is if I am worthy of God’s love then I am worthy of all love, and instead of trying to fix the outside of me, I really needed to start fixing the inside of me first.
No more would I accept or tolerate self-hate, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, because I am aware now that who I am is not determined by what someone else deems as beautiful, but how beautiful I am to myself, so I say to self-worth today thank-you! For allowing me not to change who I am, but to change how I think.
“To all the young Girls, Ladies and all Women in general please look inside you before looking outside yourself, because beauty is truly deep inside each one of our roots. We just have to branch out to see it”.
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